Misha the Bluff

The whole world learned that our President is a bluff and a bag of wind. If the latter definition shocked anyone, I would like to calm them down and explain that “a bag of wind” is not an abusive word. It originated in Kiziki region of Georgia, and means “a braggart”.
No Georgian fairy-tale heroes, including Lazy-bone or European Baron Munchausen can compete with Misha in bragging or telling lies. This is what he knows the best. However, the lies and fanfaronades of the fairy-tale heroes are usually funny and harmless, while those of the President cause disappointment and forced smile, and even more – they have never evoked lamentation or indignation.
There should be an explanation. Just think, who can recall all the details of fanfaronades and lies of Misha the Bluff? If we rephrase Akaki, a Georgian poet: who can count sand in the sea and stars in the sky or Misha’s lies?! I will still try and start my” sweet reminiscences” from the time when Misha was a star boy of the opposition group to President Shevardnadze, rather than a beacon of the world democracy, when he was not afraid of joining the protest  meetings attended by a huge number of people, nor he was avoiding the meetings with journalists.
Here is an excerpt from his interview published in “The Rezonansi” in 2002 when Misha was the Chair of Tbilisi City Council:”We should strive and make the Mayor of the City be elected. Do you want to know why the President did not discharge Mr. Zodelava (then-time Mayor of Tbilisi)? By doing so, he would have created the precedent for his own resignation”.
Can you see, my dear readers, what Saakashvili was saying at the end of November 2002? Later, he became the President, and we had to go through the August war and protest meetings of the last year to make the position of the Mayor elected. His words stated in November 2002 represent a good sign to realize what kind of elections he is planning to hold – will he create a precedent for his removal by letting Ugulava leave the office? That’s just a rhetoric question for the opposition who stand for the elections.
Let’s continue, and see what Misha said in the same interview about the Agreement with the City of Tbilisi. The luxurious booklet of the agreement is sitting on my table, and it says: “We signed the Agreement provided that we have the majority of the City Council seats. However, I believe that the provisions of the Agreement are doable and we will execute them. I mean utilities services, such as lifts, roofs, medical service, paying GEL100 per each newborn infant and many other problems the tendency of regulation of which the Tbilisi population will feel very soon”.
Wow, how do you like that? Several lifts and roofs have really been fixed in Gldani housing estate, and Misha was personally jumping on the roofs together with TV crews and Eldar Kvernadze-the onsite foreman. There is a rumor that he made a fortune that time. Presently he is the most faithful “intellectual” member of Misha’s Parliamentary majority.
They even started to issue GEL 100 per newborn infant but everything came to an end when Misha won Presidency, and National Party won  the majority of seats not only in Tbilisi City Council, that Misha was dreaming of, but in the Parliament and municipality councils as well. As for “many other problems the tendency of regulation of which the Tbilisi population will feel very soon”, i.e. other provisions of the Agreement with the City of Tbilisi, such as pensions computed based on working experience as well as on merits and services, redemption of deposits,  and free medical service have been “solved” in the country.
His promise to construct 100 new hospitals in lieu of the sold ones stays to be a bragging,  just as the pension increase based on working experience was. As for the redemption of deposits, I think the earth will start to rotate in the opposite direction sooner. I won’t comment about one of the latest lies – increasing pensions up to $100. The only progress here is the increase amounting toGEL10. Our pensioners will receive the increased pensions to cultivate the feeling of gratefulness to Ugulava till the day of the elections-May 30.
And still, the bald-faced lie is that since 2004, when Saakashvili won presidency, each year, including 2008, has been declared to be the year of rejoining Apkhazeti and Tskhinvali. The defeat in August war had at least one “positive result: since then Misha has not even mentioned the date of restoration of territorial integrity. Stating dates and years, i.e. groundless bragging turned out to be the reason for August war tragedy, and we lost 20% of Georgian territory if not forever, at least for the period of time that would need the efforts of several generations; let alone tens of thousands of IDPs and thousands of killed and their near relations that will never recover of the loss.
You may well remember our happy President driving different kinds of transportation means starting with a paving compactor, tractor, grain harvester combine, bull grader, ending with a fighter bomber. We though the source of his extravagancy was used up but no, nothing of the sort…
Recently, when opening a 25-kilometer Tbilisi-Sokhumi highway, we saw him driving formula three. Let alone that Tbilisi-Sokhumi highway is a little high-sounding, and that he looked ridiculous stuffed into the car. We all know that racing drivers, like jockeys, are of small size since such cars are not designed for people like Misha with his weight or size. Access weight is not desired for jockeys or sports car racers.
To be short, we enjoyed watching Misha getting in and off the car, but the main enjoyment was still ahead. A Tengiz Gogotishvili informed us that Misha, driving formula three, did 25 kilometers in 4 minutes. Applying simple arithmetic, it means that Misha was driving at a rate of 450 kilometers per hour, which is impossible even for the racers of the fastest formula one.
Even if we widely close our eyes to this, assuming that we can attribute this to the engine capacity, the question about the racer himself shall still stay valid. What about the racer?  Those who have seen his plasticity when performing penalty kicks at the openings of stadiums, or his gracefulness when skiing dressed in green trousers, will agree that sports is not one of Misha’s strengths!
Actually, Misha has not bragged of setting up a speed record. Everything is the fault of not- knowing-arithmetic-eulogizer- Gogotishvili. What Misha said was just bragging that the highway would soon bring us to Sokhumi!
The truth is that it is so “far away” from Sokhumi that even if Michael Schumacher, Misha’s namesake, or Niki Lauda were driving it would take a long, long time to get to Sokhumi!
And, one more, the so called transparent lie: Misha was invited to the recent conference in Munich but he was so busy he could not find time to go there. Can anyone believe that Misha did not go to Munich, where Mr. John McCain, his fan and advocate was sitting in comfort? Let alone Hillary Clinton and other leaders of the world politics.
Though, he found time and went to attend the opening of Vancouver Winter Olympic Games.  As we were told he was on an official visit aimed at sharing experience of constructing sports buildings. Can you imagine such a blatant lie? Fortunately, actions speak louder than words. We have not seen even a single frame of any host politician shaking hands with Misha. Even more, do you remember any president sharing construction experience? What does the line Minister or Olympic Committee do? I feel sorry for Misha, he is the person who does everything others should do. But, think yourself:  are the Olympic Committee, Minister and Misha equally capable?  Misha visited Vancouver to share experience, which does not mean that he would learn from Canadians, vice versa, he planned to teach them how to live happily like we do in Batumi and Mestia, how to ski down from Vancouver directly to Florida, and swim into the Ocean. It does not matter that Vancouver is in Canada, and Florida – in the US, Misha’s fantasies cannot be framed within the borders of any nation. The Canadians will never believe his bragging but he will once again bring shame on us, and how long should that go on?
And, one more: you may remember a film loop on Maestro TV during the protest meetings last year where a new building of the Ministry of Interior (people diminutively calling it Pachiko’s accordion) was used as a background, and smiling  Misha was telling us: “Neither the state will terrorize journalists, nor anyone should cultivate illusions that personally I will ever let anyone terrorize any journalist!”
It was right after the above lie-bragging that the journalists were attacked and severely beaten at the City Police building. It was right after the above lie-bragging that the office of “Georgia and the World” was raided for the second time, and it was right after the above lie-bragging that Vakho Komakhidze, a journalist, stayed in Switzerland, seeking for political asylum!
I do not want to bore you, my dear readers. Based on what I have already stated above and what I have not (it is difficult to remember everything, and no newspaper will have enough space for my reminiscences), the whole inspiration and message of the present article, applying and rephrasing Titsian Tabidze, could be framed in the following phrase: even the sky will thunder when I start bragging; even the thunder will never come close to the lie I can say!
I will try to put it shorter: Mr. President and the overt and covert admirers of the President, what do you do with the bluff...?